Dear Maribeth, from mb
Flashback to 2003 as I load my horses and head for South Dakota ❤️ Dear 11 year old Maribeth, I see you there. I know you just want people to like you and you’re not sure if anyone really does. But I do. I really like you. In fact, I love you. This year you started at your 4th school since kindergarten. Yes, it’s frustrating always being the new girl. Especially the new girl who is also a year younger than all of her classmates. But I promise it’s okay. It’s going to make you mature. You are going to make some incredible friends. They will all be girls because boys aren’t going to understand you for quite some time. But that’s okay too, because it’s going to make you independent. When you get forced to sit with those two boys in history class who make fun of you every day, you’re going to be too embarrassed to tell the teacher. You’re going to start skipping class and getting into trouble because that’s better than the constant harassment of being a victim of their bullying. Buts that’s okay. It’s going to make you tough. When the girls at lunch become too unbearable and you lose all of your self esteem, you’re going to sit in bathroom stalls and eat lunch pretty often. You’re going to cry and you won’t understand for a while. You will wonder every day why God didn’t make you skinny and pretty like the other girls and you will be really angry with Him. But that’s okay, too. It’s going to make you understand friendship and self worth. Your weight is going to become a big issue in your life. You’re going to experiment with eating disorders and you’re going to feel like that is your only option. Thankfully you’re not going to let that take over your life but you’re going to obsess over it. And that’s okay. It will make you aware of body image. When grandpa tells you that you need to lose weight, it’s going to hurt your feelings. You’re going to take it to heart and it’s going to be hard because you’re going to lose all of your trust in a man who is supposed to love you unconditionally. You’re going to be mad and some day you’ll understand. But it’s okay; it’s going to help you understand mental illness and disabilities. There’s going to be a girl who tries to verbally attack you. She’s going to threaten to beat you up when you get to high school and it’s going to scare you when none of your friends have your back. But that’s okay because you’re going to learn just how tough you really are. You’re going to be the weird horse girl for a while. I know you love horses and you live for your next riding lesson but it’s going to be hard. But that’s okay. It’s going to help you realize your passion is stronger than you thought. Horses are going to be your outlet. You’re never going to be able to afford the things the other girls have and it’s going to hurt. You’re not going to feel good enough and you’re going to want to quit. You’re going to spend countless hours working with horses behind closed doors trying to figure it out. All of your trainers are going to make you think you’re not very good. But that’s okay. Because it’s going to make you work harder. When you stop getting invited to the birthday parties and you don’t get invited on anyone’s spring break trip and you don’t understand what you did that made all your friends hate you, please know that I love you. It’s not okay. None of this is really okay. But you will be. In fact, you will be better than okay; you’re going to be great. Some day you’re going to think back to this day. The day you rode in your Aeropostale shirt and your Limited Too jeans and still didn’t feel “cool”. You’re going to try to hide your obsession with horses to save your social life and it will work for a while. After all, dad says he’ll never be able to afford a horse anyways. You’re going to feel really alone. Despite all your “friends”, you’re going to be alone in your passion. Your grades are going to dwindle along with your self esteem and you’re going to have some really tough times that you’re going to hide from everything around you. But some day, you’re going to do something really cool. You’re going to forget about all the girls who pretended to be your friend and talked about you behind your back. You’re going to forget about all the boys that told you that you were fat and ugly. You’re going to forget about how badly you just wanted to fit in. Because some day your dreams are going to start to come true. I know you think you can’t ride and none of your trainers have shown any interest in you, but please don’t give up. These weekly lessons you’re taking are going to turn into so much more if you just let it. If you just let go of all of the negative that is trying to creep into your life. Please keep being the weird horse girl. Some day you might just move across the country to train horses for someone. Some day you might be really good. Some day you might be really glad that you never fit in with those girls and even more glad that you didn’t waste any of your time with those boys. I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to make you happy. Because who knows what will happen. But that’s okay, it’s going to make you incredible ❤️ - 26 year old mb.