For the love of God, try the daquiri
Most of the time I know what I want to say, so I just say it, and the more I talk, the more my words take shape into a meaning. According to a recent read, For Women Only, women are better able to speak their minds immediately after having a thought than men are. I don’t know any of the science behind that but I do know that asking me my feelings on a particular subject will illicit the same response whether you ask me today or tomorrow. And I don’t think that necessarily has anything to do with me being a woman as much as it has to do with my determination to be self-aware. Now, that’s a pretty loose term that anyone can use in a variety of situations but genuinely being self-aware is a powerful goal that I think most people don’t realize or even really achieve in their lifetime, myself included. I think you can reduce the meaning of self-awareness by saying it is simply “knowing yourself” and by that standard, we could all say we have it under control. I mean, I know my favorite color and I know what time I need to go to bed each night to be productive the next day, so I’m pretty stinkin’ self-aware. I guess. By all means, my favorite color being orange and my bedtime of 10pm is important in knowing myself, but it’s also the same generic bedtime and color choice of millions of other people. Let me ask you this: is your favorite food now the same as your favorite food as a child? If not, why do you think that is? How could you possibly change your mind about your FAVORITE?! My favorite food as a kid was Subway subs. I know what you’re thinking right now, and you need to stop. I don’t mean a “ham sammy” with mayo or a pizza sub or anything else that most 90s kids might typically enjoy. No, my flavor of choice was the meatball sub complete with every single vegetable, and mustard and mayonnaise. Yes, we are both making the same face right now thinking about that combination. Anyways, I thought this concoction was the bee’s knees when it came to food. My parents rarely took me out to restaurants but I did eat a bunch of fast food and when given the choice, I chose Subway. Fast forward from the fast food (English teacher alliteration: check), my sister got a job at Olive Garden when I was around 8 or so. Each time my mom and I stopped in to see her, she gave us the endless salad bowls and a strawberry daiquiri. And guess what happened? That quickly became my favorite meal. Was it because my tastebuds changed their mind on my alphabet of flavor sub sandwiches? Unfortunately not. It was because I tried something new and then realized that new thing was better than my old thing. (Note: I no longer eat those pregnant-esque types of subs and we should all be grateful for that) Your life is pretty similar. Can you honestly say you’re aware of yourself if you haven’t given yourself the chance to actually try YOU?! *think about that one for a second* Darrius Rucker philosophically says, “when is the last time you tried something for the first time?” And I JAM to this song every time it comes on my radio because I am, quite literally, obsessed with trying new things. Why? Because it gets me one step closer to figuring out who the heck I am! I have never wanted something as badly as I want to be myself but oddly enough, I honestly have no idea who that is! I know it’s someone who despises bacon and someone who loves to wear a watch and lots of rings. I know she is someone who is nearly tone deaf and someone who will never have a long-haired dog live in her house. It’s someone who appreciates rap music for its literary style and relieves stress by making lists. I know these couple of things because of the experiences I’ve forced myself to have and because of the way my parents let me grow up knowing that I can do absolutely anything I want to. I am still learning about myself every day and I love it! I am so intrigued by the idea that God created us each to be so different, yet most of us don’t even know how we’re different! So, a week ago I moved 1,100 miles from “home” to a semi-familiar place to do something semi-unfamiliar. (AKA: trying something new). And guess what? I am learning more about myself already. Like the fact that not only do I enjoy reading and writing, I LOVE IT. For the first time in my life I look forward to waking up early every single day to drink coffee and read before work. And every chance I get beyond that, I have my nose in a book again. I haven’t been this excited about reading since 4th grade but I decided to give it another shot and I can honestly say that reading is one of my favorite hobbies. Because I tried it. It’s bizarre what happens when you’re alone with yourself. You have to actually sit with yourself (and your wiener dogs if applicable) and without distraction, do things that benefit only you and selfishly reap the rewards! I started a couple other new habits. For example, above my Keurig that I now use daily, is a white board. On it, I have lists. (Notice: coffee and lists—two things I know I like now) Those lists are headlined “important to me”, “goals”, “needs”, “wants”, and “work goals” because each of those things is different for me. Mostly, I think putting personal goals and work goals into one category is a mistake. I also think it’s a mistake to simply say, “set goals for yourself!” Because my self-awareness says that isn’t sufficient for me. I need to focus on me first, the future second, material things next, and work last. Your sequence may be different than mine and that’s okay because I have tried putting work first and it made me miserable. So I changed it. I’m at this point in my life where I am defined by my career and I’m okay with that. Oh, the joys of being a single woman without children. Although my career and my passions are nearly one in the same, I don’t want my career to ruin my passion, if that makes sense. In a word, I don’t want to view riding my own horses as work. I want to be detached so I can enjoy them separately and focus on one piece at a time. At 26 years old, I know that in my work life I am focused and serious, and in my real life I am a boisterous daydreamer. I love that I can confidently say that. I love being both but certainly understand that being boisterous while trainin
g horses and being serious while hanging out with my girlfriends will not work in my world. I need that disconnect. What disconnect do you need? Now, about that “knowing what I want to say and just saying it” part I mentioned in the beginning. What I want to say is this: GO FIND OUT. Take roads that take you somewhere new. Go somewhere. Do something. Be someone. And for the love of God, please love yourself for whoever you are, wherever you go, and whatever you do. And the meaning of that is for you to shape on your own ♥️
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